The Valentine's Day Gift
by Jam.MastahXJay
Summary: Kuwabara forgot it was Valentine's Day, so he has to go buy a gift for his one and only love. Based off a corny joke. Happy Valentine's Day to all and... yeah... Rated T for language.


JJ: OK, so... yeah, here's a little Valentine's Day oneshot... thing... yeah... Got it from a joke. Haha. Happy fuckin' Valentine's Day to all the lovers. ¬¬ God, I hate V-Day... This isn't funny either. It's an attempt to be humorous...

...

Kuwabara walked into kitchen. He had just woken up from a deep sleep, so he was very tired. His eyes were barely opened and he slowly dragged himself into the messy kitchen, smacking his lips and scratching his red head.

"Man, I'm... hungry..." he muttered to himself as he accidently bumped into something hard... and sort of angry-like... and breathing... "The... hell?"

"Fuck Kuwabara, you blind?!" Kuwabara's eyes nearly popped out of his skull.

"HOLY SHIT!!" he screamed loudly and girly before he jumped back and fell to the ground with a loud crash. The crust that formed around his eyes overnight made it hard for the cosplayer to see, but once he rubbed it away, Kuwabara saw who had scared the shit out of him. It was Yusuke, who was plugging his ears.

"Asshole! I'm right here! No need for screaming! Fuck..." Kuwabara growled and jumped to his feet quickly. He accusingly pointed a finger at his friend, who had been drinking orange juice.

"Why the hell are you awake so Goddamn early!?" Yusuke shrugged.

"Why the hell are _you _awake so Goddamn early?" he retorted. Kuwabara growled again.

"Fucker... I asked first!" Again, Yusuke shrugged and took another sip of his OJ.

"I'm thinkin' about what I'm getting Keiko for Valentine's Day. Now, judging by your appearance at 9:26 am, you must've gotten up just to get something to eat," he said simply. Kuwabara bared his teeth and ran to Yusuke, grabbed his shirt collar, and looked at him in the eye.

"OK, you liar, you said you were gettin' Keiko a present for Valentine's Day! What the fuck!? You actually expect me to believe that?!" An angry vein immediately popped on Yusuke's forehead as he punched Kuwabara in the chest and forced him to back up.

"Look, you motherfucker, I'm not _that _stupid as to not give Keiko a gift-"

"NOT THAT!!" Yusuke stopped moving and blankly stared at his somewhat dopey friend.

"... What then!?"

"You said it was Valentine's Day!" Yusuke blinked.

"... It is."

"... No. Fucking. Way." Yusuke nodded.

"Yeah... Why, you forget?"

"... FUUUUUUUUCK!!!" Almost instantly, Kuwabara, not answering Yusuke's question, bolted out of the kitchen, cursing under his breath as he did so. Yusuke didn't do anything for a couple moments before shrugging lazily and sipping his juice.

"Moron..."

...

It was quarter to 10 am, and Kuwabara was desperately throwing his clothes on while he scoured his and Kurama's room for money. So far, he had 'found' 600 dollars, and was still hunting for more.

"Come on... Kurama has to have money here somewhere..." Kuwabara reminded himself constantly. He opened a drawer and found a wallet that was covered in pink roses. "Jackpot!" he whispered victoriously as he opened it. In it, the first thing that caught his eye was an ID of... Hiei Jaganshi. Kuwabara blinked before his jaw dropped. "H-Hiei!?" Suddenly, a few twenty dollar bills and a crisp one hundred dollar bill fell out of the wallet. The redhead glanced at it, shrugged, and picked up the money. "He won't miss it... How the hell did he get this money anyways-?"

"HEY, BAFFOON!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH MY MONEY!?" a familiar screech yelled vehemently. Kuwabara squealed like a pig right before he sprinted out of the room. "YOU OWE ME!!" Kuwabara didn't hear this, because he had already left the house, and continued to run.

...

Kuwabara walked into the comfort of Wal-Mart, clutching the wad of bills he had 'found.' An elderly man greeted him with a smile, and he greeted him with the same warm smile.

"You forget about Valentine's Day?" the man asked curiously. Kuwabara flinched.

"... Yeah."

"Ohh, that's too bad..." Kuwabara's face faltered, but he said nothing as he began to race towards the jewelry section of Wal-Mart. "Kids these days get more and more forgetful..."

Kuwabara continued to run in the seemingly dead store, trying to hurry up so he could get back to JJ's mansion to celebrate Valentine's Day with his girlfriend.

"Umm, excuse me? Can I help you with somethin'?" a female employee called out in a sassy tone. Kuwabara stopped dead in his tracks and turned around, lifting up his pointer finger as if he were about to say something intelligent.

"Actually, yeah. I'm looking for- HOLY FUCKIN' SHIT!!!! JJ!??!" Kuwabara shrieked in terror as he slipped and fell hard on his buttocks while pointing at the employee. She was glaring at him, standing straight and tall, and crossing her arms. She had short, curly black hair and had looked almost exactly like JJ. She was also chomping on gum rather loudly and rudely.

"JJ? Oh fuck, you must know her. I'm actually her cousin, TJ," TJ introduced herself. Kuwabara's eye twitched wildly.

"... JJ's cousin, TJ?"

"Yeah. Now, the hell do you want? Obviously, _someone _forgot Valentine's Day and is more likely looking for a bracelet or something, am I right?" Again, Kuwabara's eye twitched.

"... How the hell does everyone know what I want or did today!?"

"Dude, it's Valentine's Day. You're here at Wal-Mart at 10:30 in the fuckin' morning with a wad of cash. Of course people are gonna know what you want!" TJ shouted angrily at him. Kuwabara growled and jumped to his feet before dusting himself off.

"Grr... Whatever, can you please just help me find a bracelet?" he asked TJ rudely. She looked at him blankly before nudging at his right. He blinked and looked at his right slowly. A beautiful diamond bracelet, well, more like a couple of beautiful diamond bracelets, were on display. The price tags were $750 - $799.99. 'Just enough!' he shouted gleefully in his mind.

"Yeah, you can actually get names and shit engraved into them if you go to the right place," TJ said slowly as she took out a ring of keys and, expertly picking out one of the many keys, put it into the lock and twisted it. The glass door swung opened and Kuwabara got a better look at the jewelry.

"Wow... I like this one," he said blankly, holding up one of the diamond bracelets. Its price was $799.99. He barely had enough. TJ shrugged.

"I wouldn't get that one. Get _this _instead," she instructed, holding up the bracelet that cost $750, "because you'll have money to get something engraved in it." Kuwabara looked in awe at the bracelet.

"Wow... Nice thinking," he complimented. He gratefully took it. "Sold." TJ blinked and shrugged.

"'Kay. I'll just take the money. You can with it, but do you want directions to my friend Terry's place? He can engrave something in the bracelet for all your money if you say you know TJ Jackson," she offered. Kuwabara blinked.

"... Wait, won't the alarms and shit go off if I leave and this hasn't been properly rung up and I have no receipt for proof of purchase?"

"Not alot of people know this, so don't spread it around, but those alarms haven't worked in months, and it looks like they aren't gonna work for a long time. So you'll be fine," she said casually, taking the money from him and giving him $50 back. "Now, want the directions?"

"Sure," Kuwabara said, shrugging. "Why not? It'll make it more special." TJ smiled and told him exactly where to go. "... And then, you take a right on Irvine, and his house is the black one. It's not hard to miss," she added. Kuwabara nodded.

"Cool. Thanks, TJ." He turned his back on her and started walking. TJ bit her bottom pierced lip and contemplated asking him a question. He was just about to leave the aisle when she called out, 'Dumbass!' He stopped and an angry vein formed on the back of his head. "Fuck! What?!" he shouted angrily, turning back to her. She growled loudly, forcing him to shut up.

"Hey, I wanna know. What are you put on the bracelet? Your girlfriend's name?" Kuwabara stopped moving for a second and thought long and hard. After a couple minutes, he shrugged.

"Probably 'My one and only love,'" he said simply. TJ's heart melted at his romantic gesture. He then shrugged. "Yeah, 'My one and only love' will work. That way, if we break up, I can reuse it."

Happy Valentine's Day!


End file.
